Miss Weirdo

Miss weirdo got weird at around five,

When her heart acted up as Hootie and the Blowfish played

on the technology-station stereo

Causing an arm-swarm, sway-array

Which worried her polly-pocket-scene-director friend

And depleated the numbers at her staple lunch table.

Miss weirdo never said much,

but performed a rather rousing rapture

of the Skylanders rap

in a near whisper

for the talent show,

Between “Winter Song” and “I Hope You Dance”.

Miss Weirdo ordered a cat and rat skull for her 15th birthday,

To better understand the bed of the brain,

But hid them upon arrival,

For fear that anyone should ever know,

And eventually through them out with Tuesday’s trash,

relieved to be free of her weird idea.

And when Miss Weirdo graduated,

She found herself standing alone beside a fire,

While behind her someone got hit in the head with a shovel,

And someone got laid in a porta potty,

And someone got sick in the back seat of a steamy volvo.

Miss Weirdo prefered last night star musings,

By the dark, dense river,

to the rouge lounge hovel,

But longed constantly to be Miss Weirdo no more.

She made a plan,

to be a better conversationalist,

and a better companion,

and plans became rocky actions

and rocky actions became skewed intentions

and skewed intentions became awkward reactions,

which made her feel

all the more

a weirdo to the core.

The only thing which gave Miss Weirdo a feeling of

serenity

was to paint her weirdo visions,

and write out her weirdo dreams,

and act on her weirdo plots,

and share her weirdo schemes,

and then one day,

a not-so-special someone remarked

“you’re really fucking weird”,

and Miss Weirdo replied,

“why yes, I am”

with a juicy smile

and wicked eyes.

By Sarah C Louise

The Poxy Post – Monday Impression – PURE EVIL!

Two parents in Glenora neighbourhood have grown concerned about their young girl. Little Erin is five years old, and has always proven to be a bright and curious child. Recently, however, there have been indications that Erin may also be evil.

“At first we thought it was the school!” says the gentle Cynthia, Erin’s mother. “She’s recently gone into kindergarten and it’s difficult to let the influence of others affect children. But we had a long discussion with Mrs. Peacock, Erin’s teacher, and we became convinced that it is just Erin! Mrs. Peacock was just as scared as us, and it became clear that these horrors were of Erin’s making. We went through her books and removed all of the books which had foces of evil in the stories. We carefully monitored the videos she watches on her ipad. No matter what we do, though, the illness gets worse!”

Cynthia and Robert, her husband, have taken Erin to multiple doctors, but there seems to be nothing chemically or mentally unbalanced in Erin. They’ve taken her to a number of child psychologists, who keep refering the family to different doctors. Though no statement was taken directly from the doctors who examined Erin, Robert said that he sensed that they were scared of Erin.

“I would be too” explains Robert. “She’s a fucked up little kid, always going on about blood and destroying animals and putting poison in our coffee. I love coffee! She always says ‘just kidding’ with her creepy smile after a comment like ‘i want to crush nanny’s beak’. That’s our budgy. And then ‘oh, just kidding’. It’s terrifying!”

When asked what their next step was Cynthia and Robert cannot seem to come to a decision.

“We don’t have any options” Cynthia describes. “We are responsible for her, but I just know Erin is going to do something completely terrible, and I feel like something bad will happen sooner than later.”

The parents have designed a trap/bed for Erin, a sort of box with a door which can only open from the outside which they commitioned from a local carpenter. Robert felt it was their only option: “We just couldn’t sleep anymore. She would come into the room in the middle of the night, her hair hanging over her eyes and her little bunny dragging in her hands and she would laugh or scream or talk about her nightmares, which she always had. She seemed set on disturbing us! So we had to cage her. There’s no telling what’s really going on inside her head. The things she says!”

Robert and Cynthia were forced to remove Erin from after school care because the children were too afraid to be in the same room as Erin, and her art work was upsetting for the other children. The parents have been asked to take Erin out of sparks and her ballet classes because Erin cannot participate nicely. Cynthia did what she could to get Erin involved in the normal things kids do, but Erin is not a normal kid: “She told her ballet teacher that she loves the way broken bones look when on girl broke her leg in class. Erin saw the twisted leg and thought it was beautiful! She offers to lick the cuts children get in sparks and makes nasty threats throughout the day. She always says she’s kidding, but it’s in that look in her eyes. Erin’s psychotic, and there’s no denying it. We are raising the devil’s child.”

Robert and Cynthia seem to only feel at ease in the care of their Pastor at St. Christopher’s church. He has attempted three exorcisms on Erin, each unsuccessful. “Erin enjoys exorcisms. She asks when we can do another one. I tell her that she’s a demon and she says ‘oh that is wonderous’. She has my eyes, but she fuckin creeps me out with those looks. I’m always thinking about Erin finding out where the knives are hidden or getting her hands on a squirrel or setting the house on fire. I just know she’s going to be the end of all of us. We’re doomed.”

When asked if she felt any evil inside her, Erin said “Yes, and it’s most delicious.”

Robert and Cynthia want to let the community know that they are offering $30 an hour to anyone who is willing to watch Erin.

By Sarah C Louise

Image from: http://angelofthedarkness4ever.tumblr.com/